Narcissus

Many know the rough outlines of the original myth of Narcissus, the man so enamoured with his own image that he drowned while reaching for his reflection in a pool. The original outlines of the myth are more complex. A son of gods, Narcissus was doomed from the start. He was not only gifted with extreme beauty, but he also had the overweening sense of his self-worth that we associate with narcissism. His mother Liriope was told by the seer Tiresias at birth that Narcissus would live a long life if he never discovered himself. Kept from mirrors, Narcissus never had a chance to fall in love with his own image.

Instead, looking for love in the mirror of the other and finding them insufficient, he rejected all lovers who approached him, even Echo, who was cursed to repeat back to the sender any message she received. If Narcissus were to claim that he loved her, Echo would have said the same. This should give someone with such an overinflated sense of self the gratification their fragile self-esteem desired, but Narcissus wasn't capable of loving her. Narcissus rejected Echo's advances and left her to pine away in a lonely glade, and her voice faded without someone to imitate until she disappeared entirely.

Even for the gods, Narcissus' treatment of the innocent Echo was interpreted to be excessively cruel, and Nemesis determined to exact a suitable revenge. She led Narcissus far into the forest until he was thirsty and then showed him a still pool. Narcissus bent to drink, and there, entranced by his own reflection, he fell in love. Unfortunately the ripples in the pool disturbed his attempts to embrace himself, and the closer he came to touching himself the farther he receded from view. Finally, in agony because he could not close with the one he loved, he-depending on the version-fell in and drowned, killed himself, or pined away from unrequited love much like Echo had done. Upon trying to plot the logistics of his demise, I like to imagine that Narcissus died of thirst, that unable to endure disturbing the water and thus losing his image he chose death over a refreshing drink. That self-destructive myopia captures the self-damaging qualities of narcissism.

Anyone hearing the story now will both recall people they have known who are obsessed with their appearance and those who have the selfies on social media and the dependence on accolades to prove it. Others might lament that Narcissus didn't have a mirror. Then he could stand in front of it all day, proclaiming his self-love like so many celebrities, business leaders, and politicians standing before the social mirror of adoring fans and sycophants.

The useful portion of the Narcissus myth has more to do with the selfish and destructive nature of self-love than it does the exact mechanisms used by those who seek to fulfill their desire for self, however. The lesson of Narcissus is lost on few as they contemplate that Narcissus could have enjoyed a pleasant life but for the extreme selfishness of his desires, but it does not point to the social markers which allow us to recognize these failings in another. The myth teaches that such an obsession with the self, the inability to look outside the self and consider others as equals-or in extreme cases, even worthy of notice-ultimately leads to destruction, but how that might be accomplished is still a question.

Perhaps one of the clearest exhibitions of the self-undermining nature of narcissism is the breakdown in cooperation between the characters in Christoph and Wolfgang Lauenstein's Balance. In the film, five men live on a smooth metal plate which they must keep balanced so they do not slide off. They must each move in a coordinated fashion so that the plate does not tip too far. That careful balance is upset when one of them fishes a large box from over the side of the plate.

In order to maintain the balance with the heavy box added to their world, the rest must move to the other side of the plate. This enables the one who found the box to turn the handle and listen to the muffled sounds of music. The others want to hear this for themselves, so they unbalance the plate so that the box slides toward them and the original listener must step away from it to preserve the balance. With this system, they could each get some time with the box while the rest keep the plate balanced. One of them decides to keep the box for himself, however, and refusing to share, he sits on the box while it slides and the others struggle to maintain the balance of the society.

As the box slides out of control, he shows no remorse as he pushes first one and then another of his fellows off the side of the plate. They fall into the abyss, the plate is further destabilized, and then he must push another in order to keep possession of the box. That continues until only he and the box remain. For balance to be maintained, however, he must stand on the opposite corner from the box. Therefore, he has killed his fellows for nothing. He can neither enjoy the music box nor move around on the plate to fetch other tempting treats from the depths.

The lesson is not lost on Lauenstein's viewing audience. If the man would have been content to share, all would have had a chance to listen to the music. Because of his greed and selfishness, he has lost what he most desired as well as his friends who would have helped him. The film ends with him alone facing the box which is too far away to reach or hear; he cannot move for fear of either losing the box or plunging into the depths.

Of course in real life narcissists manage to live long and healthy lives despite their inability to consider others before themselves, and in a self-obsessed culture, they may even advance and be celebrated. The narcissist often finds work which is not too demanding but which leads to others cheering their meagre accomplishments, they evade problems by mendaciousness-for if others are not important why would lying to them matter?-and they have enough free time to spend it concentrating on their own pleasure. They find partners and friends who either support their fragile ego with endless compliments and social supports or who tacitly permit their selfishness by a disinclination to confront them.

The fragile ego of the narcissist is a necessary part of this package, for they cannot brook any suggestion that they are not the centre of the world. Any implication that they might be wrong, that they might not be as attractive as they believe, poorly perform their masculinity or femininity, or are not as intelligent as they think, poisons them with envy and hatred. Like Narcissus without a mirror, they fade without constant affirmation. Without the ability or interest in others, they only have the mirror of social relations to define who they are, and if that message is not positive then those around them must be prepared for the results. Even Echo was not a sufficient lover for Narcissus, remember, for her reply relied on input from him. He was constitutionally incapable of giving, and therefore could not receive anything from her. To be a lover or friend of Narcissus she would need to take nothing for herself and instead devote her life to his maintenance and delight.

This self-aggrandizement leads the narcissist to several socially reprehensible behaviours. They tend to become defensive and aggressive when wrong, lord their superiority over others, perform a role even when they are with intimate friends, and seek in extra-marital affairs that which the home does not provide. They are incapable of maintaining long term relationships since the vagaries and weaknesses of the human frame do not allow for a sustained good opinion of others, and instead have shallow and short term friendships which supply their needs. Their long term relationships are largely the result of hard work by their fellows, as their more puerile behaviours and attitudes are explained away or compensated for by those who have either fallen for their inflated presentation of self or whose own self esteem merely wants the occasional boost that their association with the narcissist might provide.

This discussion is perhaps timely, for research points to the increasingly prevalence of narcissism in western societies, which can be seen by the claims of the anti-mask anti-mandate people-I should be able to do what I want and the medically fragile can look after their own health-and the attitudes of many public figures. In an interview with Andrew Callahan, from the YouTube independent news channel, one advocate for "freedom" succinctly defines a belief in community protection as an aberration: "If you want to take a jab, take a jab. You can do anything you want to do to your own body, but don't make me do something to my body with this screwed-up morality that I'm doing it for others" (Callahan 15:41). Canadian politicians, hoping to capitalize on the trade in anti-social ideas, have echoed the call. Saskatchewan Conservative MP Andrew Scheer declared that the prime minister was "the biggest threat to freedom in Canada. . . . Our position is that no one should lose their job for a healthcare decision. Truckers were essential workers for two years during the pandemic, and the government hasn't explained why things need to change" while Ontario Conservative MP Leslyn Lewis suggested the vaccine mandates "promote segregation" and other Conservatives like MPs Pierre Poilievre and Garnett Genuis have called the federal mandate Trudeau's "vaccine vendetta" (Aiello).

Some parents are rightly hyper-concerned about their children becoming narcissistic in a society in which the parents cater to the child and the child is online seeking affirmation from perverts and strangers:

Lash says that combined with the therapeutic ideology, which took over the American society in the 1970s and which "[upheld] a normative schedule of psychosocial development and [thus] [gave] further encouragement to anxious self-scrutiny" (33), these movements brought out the narcissistic personality traits in the American people, making the self-absorbed narcissist "the dominant type of personality in the (contemporary) society" (115).

As Lash observes, it was an unfortunate development because narcissists tend to be very unhappy people. They often feel restless, dissatisfied, depressed, and lonely, suffer from hypochondria and paradoxically also self-esteem issues. Furthermore, they are generally, extremely terrified of aging and death because they "look to others to validate [their] sense of self" (115) and they know that with old age they will very likely lose the abilities that people are taught by the society to admire in people - their beauty, celebrity and power, which is in the modern times also tied with productivity, adaptability, and strength.

Interestingly, the portrayal of the narcissist on television has kept up with the changing times; the narcissists did not become more self-absorbed but television stopped viewing them ironically, and in our time of reality television their antisocial tendencies came to be valorized.

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